An elderly man calls his son one day and says, “Son, I have some bad news. Your mother and I are getting divorced. After 45 years of misery, I’ve had enough.”
“Wait, what?!” the son shouts, completely shocked. “Dad, this has to be a joke!”
“It’s no joke,” the father replies. “I can’t stand the sight of her anymore. I’m done. You’ll have to call your sister and let her know. I can’t talk about this anymore.” He abruptly hangs up.
Panicked, the son immediately calls his sister. “What on earth is going on? Dad says they’re divorcing!”
“No way!” she exclaims. Furious, she calls their father. “You are NOT getting divorced!” she yells. “Don’t even think about calling a lawyer. My brother and I are flying in tomorrow to talk some sense into you. Do you hear me?!” She slams the phone down.
The old man turns to his wife, chuckling. “Well, they’re both coming for Christmas this year… and we didn’t even have to pay for their tickets.”
BONUS STORY:
A woman from Montana visits her doctor, concerned about her husband’s lack of interest in intimacy.
“Have you considered giving him Viagra?” the doctor asks.
“No way,” the woman replies. “He refuses to take any kind of medicine, not even an aspirin.”
The doctor smiles. “No problem. Just try this Montana Viagra instead.”
“What’s that?” she asks, puzzled.
“Just slip a pill into his coffee when he’s not looking. It’s tasteless, and it works like magic. Call me in a week and let me know how it goes.”
A week later, the woman calls back, her voice frantic. “Oh my goodness, doctor, it was awful!”
“Awful? What happened?” the doctor asks, concerned.
“I did what you said—I put the pill in his coffee. The moment he took a sip, he jumped up, his eyes were on fire! He swept everything off the table, tore my clothes off, and we were… well, you know… right there on the table!”
The doctor, a bit confused, asks, “Isn’t that a good thing? It sounds like the pill worked perfectly.”
“It was amazing,” she admits. “The best thing to happen in 25 years! But now… I can never show my face in Starbucks again!”